To anyone who found their way here looking for Neil Gaiman's Calendar of Tales: I'm sorry to disappoint you. This is just a random person online taking his idea and his questions, and doing her own Calendar of Tales. You're more than welcome to stay and read my story too, though I have to warn you, I am definitely no Neil Gaiman.
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Where would you spend a perfect June?
In January (answer from Camilo (a different one than in April))
I check the time. The library will close soon. I’ve been here for hours, again. I don’t know who I’m pretending to be kidding. I know it can’t be done. I turn my eyes back to the huge tome of a book on the table in front of me and turn the page. A whiff of old book smell reaches my nose.
I’ve been through every spell book in the library. Which means I’ve been through every book that it makes sense for me to go through in my search. A couple of weeks ago I switched to books that don’t make sense for me to go through. I’m now leafing through a book on the history of magic in the Americas.
I turn the page. The title that appears in front of me makes my heart skip a beat: Time magic.
And there’s something that look very much like spells on the two now visible pages. My heart keeps hammering in my chest as my eyes dart back and forth over the body of text underneath it. Then I hit the disclaimer from the author:
I found these spells among other ancient magical texts in the ruins of a city in what today is Guatemala. The original source claims them to be a spell that can slow time and a spell that can be used to move back and forth in time, though only within the past. I decided to include them for the sake of giving as comprehensive a picture of magics in pre-Columbian Central America. I have not tested either of the spells, not the original nor a translation (both of which are found here), but considering the strong consensus among researchers in the field is that time-manipulating magic is impossible, I do not believe they work.
I dig the heel of my hand into my eye and let out a breath of exhaustion through my nose. I keep my eyes close for a moment longer, thinking. A small, tired smile spreads on my face. I've finally found something. Even if I’d found a mention of Guatemalan time spells it would have been more than I have to show for the last few months of research, but this is better. It’s a full spell. Just one no one thinks will actually work. Then again, since every reputable source says what I’m looking for is impossible, I wouldn’t expect to find a spell that any reputable source would think works. And besides, it’s not like at this point I have anything to lose by trying the spell.
I take pictures of the pages, return the book to its place in the shelf, and leave. There’s no time for anything more today. Tomorrow I’ll have to start learning how to pronounce the words of the spell right. The warm, humid summer air hits me as I push open the front door and leave the cool, dry air of the library behind.
***
I get home, starving. Before I even unpack my grocery bag, I dig out the pastries I bought and tare through one. As I stuff the last bit of it in my mouth, I absentmindedly cast a simple spell for the dish brush to do the dishes piling in my sink. The words come out muffled through the pastry, and the magic I’m channeling for the casting snaps at my fingers, with nowhere to go as the spell fails. It’s like a tiny electric shock, the kind you get sometimes when it’s cold and dry enough that everything has a slight charge and you touch a light switch, or another person, or anything, really. I shake my hand, more out of instinct than pain. At least I wasn’t trying to cast anything big enough to need to channel so much magic it would actually hurt me if the spell failed.
I swallow and recast the spell, successfully now that my articulation is better.
My phone starts buzzing in my pocket as I turn my attention to the still full bag. It’s Meg.
“Hey, Austin, I haven’t heard from you in a while, what’s up?”
“Yeah, sorry, I’ve been busy,” I say as I start unpacking the groceries into the fridge.
“Sure. So how are you?”
“I’m… fine.”
“Fine?”
“Well. Considering. You know how it is,” I feel like I’m being interrogated. I just want to get off the phone and be alone. For a second I wonder when talking with my friends became such a chore. I push the thought from my mind.
“I don’t, actually. That’s why I’m asking.”
I don’t say anything.
“I talked with Lizzie and Arthur yesterday. They said they haven’t heard from you for a long time either.”
“Like I said, I’ve been busy,” I try to assure her.
“We’re all worried,” she let’s that sink in for a moment. “We miss them too. You don’t have to be alone with this. You know that, right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I know.”
“What do you say all four of us get together some night next week? Catch a movie, maybe? Or just hang out?”
“Oh. Uh. I don’t know. I’ll have to see if I have the time. I’m not sure yet.”
“Well, let us know, ok?”
“I will,” I tell her. A part of me wants to see my friends, but the part of me that actually knows me knows I won’t get back to her.
“Okay, good,” Meg says. There’s a moment of silence, like she’s thinking of whether to say something.
“Hey, Austin?” she starts again.
“Yeah?”
“Lizzie said you went to meet her at the university a few months back. She said you asked about why exactly time manipulating magic is impossible.”
I abandon the rest of the groceries. The palm holding my phone is sweating. I don’t want to have this conversation. I know what she’s going to say. I want to hang up. I don’t.
“You can’t bring them back, Austin.”
“I know,” I mutter into the phone.
“Magic like that doesn’t exist.”
“I know.”
“We all wish it could be done, but it’s impossible.”
“I know!” I snap. Meg falls quiet.
We’re both quiet for a long moment.
“Well. Let’s stay in touch, okay? And let us know about what night next week works for you?”
“Okay,” I say, trying my best not to let her hear the tears rolling down my cheeks faster than I can wipe them off.
“Okay. Bye.” She hesitates a second longer before hanging up
I fall onto the living room couch, half the groceries still on the kitchen table. The violent sobs take me for a minute, the front of my shirt gets soaked with tears. Then I take a deep breath. Another one. A third one. I pull myself together, force the tears to stop falling. I push the still raw pain back down. If I give the grief the space, it will take me over and nothing else will be left. Keeping myself busy helps some, most of the time. I get up and go put the rest of the groceries away.
***
The instructions for how to cast the spells are bad. Unsurprisingly, since they’re not actually instructions on how to cast the spells, but instead a recording of a myth from an ancient culture. And since everyone thinks no one would ever try to cast them. Turns out everyone is wrong.
I know I’m treading in dangerous territory. So much could go wrong. I might pronounce the words wrong, and if I do, who knows what the spell is I’ll end up casting, if anything. I could have too little magic to do it, and nothing happens. Or only half of the spell gets cast, and I have no idea what that would do.
I don’t have a good, or even a decent, idea how much magic it takes to cast time manipulating spells, but I’m assuming a lot. Which in itself is a risk, since if the spell simply doesn’t do anything, I’ll be channelling a ridiculous amount of magic with no place to go, and that’s literally never ended well. I don’t know what happens to me if I try to use as much magic as I think this spell needs and the spell doesn’t do anything. I do know it’s something very bad. Back in school our teachers liked to tell us about people being practically burned from the inside out when they’ve tried to cast big spells that have failed for one reason or another.
I don’t care though. I have to go back. The fire should have never happened. It was my fault.
I push the thoughts away and turn my focus back on the task at hand. There is a surprising amount of information out there about how to pronounce the spell. Way more than I expected. Turns out there’s still millions of people speaking the Mayan languages. So I read, and I watch videos, and I learn. It’s hard. Some of the sounds I’m supposed to be making are nowhere near anything I have ever made.
And all the while I’m saving up magic, hoarding it from wherever I can get it. Even so, it takes weeks to gather as much as I think I’ll need. To shorten the time I stop all other magic use. I never realised how many small spells I cast in a day until I decided to stop. It’s multiple times a day that I’m already going through the motions, readying the magic, and only then realising I was doing it.
Meg and Arthur call a couple of times. I keep the calls short, giving vague answers and small promises I know I won’t keep. I don’t feel like talking to them. I know they mean well, but I just can’t do it. Especially not now that I’m so close to the solution. I know if I had a proper conversation with them, I would end up telling them I found a spell to go back in time, and that I mean to use it, soon, and that conversation would not go well. So I avoid them as best I can while being reassuring enough that they won’t show up unannounced to check on me.
Slowly, I do my research. And the more I learn, the more sure I am that the spell works, and that I know how to do it.
***
“Austin?” Meg’s voice at the other end of the line is significantly more surprised than I expected it to be. I take a deep breath.
“Yeah. Hi, Meg,” I say. There’s a moment of silence as I search for the right words I thought I had already nailed down.
“So how are you?” she breaks the silence before I get there. “You initiating a conversation is a thing that hasn’t happened in a long time.”
“Yeah,” I start. “That’s actually why I’m calling. I’m sorry I’ve been so unreachable lately.”
“It’s ok,” she assures me.
“I’ve just been so busy. But I’ll make time for you all in the future. I promise. For real this time. I’m having a feeling that things will be getting better from now on,” I’m actually smiling as I say it.
“That’s great to hear,” Meg’s smiling too, I hear it in her voice.
“Let’s meet up someday next week? Lunch on Monday?”
“Yeah, sounds great,” she sounds surprised again. Happily surprised.
“Good. See you then,” I hang up the phone.
I can’t wait to see Meg’s face when I walk in with Jackie and the baby. Cassie, I’ve named her in my head. I hope Jackie will like it.
I’m ready. I’ve prepared for weeks. I know the pronunciations, I’ve done my research and my calculations on how much magic a spell like this should take. I have enough. It’s more than I’ve ever handled at a time, but I’m confident I can handle it. I always was good with big spells. I’ve managed to figure out what to do to get to a certain place in time. I’ve managed to figure out how to cast the spell to do a round trip. I don’t want to get stuck in the past. Two of me existing at the same time for months would cause problems. I just want to go back, take them, and return all three of us to now, safe and sound. And I finally know how to do it.
I’m almost happy, for the first time since January. I’m almost happy, because I know soon everything will be alright again.
I ready myself. Good posture. Strong base with my legs. I start the incantation, the correct movements of the wrist, hand, arms. The enormous wave of magic needed starts flooding through me and tingles in my fingers as I smile to myself.
