I helped Rosa and Ulula out at the cottage that day. I felt useless. Not because of the helping, that I could do well. They had me do all kinds of stuff they had been putting off because they would've needed someone stronger or taller to do it. Not that I was tall. I was only somewhat taller than Rosa, but in some places that was enough.
I felt useless, because I could feel this taking me nowhere. I wasn't any closer to Meera, or knowing who had took her or where they had gone. I wasn't any closer to knowing who I was, or who she was, or what had happened to us. The shattered hollow inside me ached as I worked, but I hid it from them. I wondered if Meera felt the same way, made people think she was fine while feeling empty inside. I was itching to get away from the cottage and do something to get everything make sense again. But I didn't know how to do that, so instead I helped out the people who had been so amazingly kind to me, a stranger, that I almost didn't believe people like that really existed. Not that I knew anything about that.
We had called it a day when the sun set. It wasn't late as such, but it was harder to do anything in the dark. We were sitting inside eating a very late lunch or an early dinner, which ever way you wanted to put it. Ulula was mockingly giving Rosa a hard time for letting me see the back room, but we all knew she wasn't serious. She didn't mind I knew, she only wanted to make sure the girl wouldn't be so careless in the future. You never knew who might come visit.
I listened to their gentle arguing when a thought occurred to me. The spoon stopped half way up to my mouth. They both fell silent and turned to look at me, noticing my odd reaction to nothing evident surprisingly quick. Their faces were questions.
"You're witches," I said simply and lowered my spoon back onto my plate. Their questions didn't go away. "Yeah, I knew that already. But I just realised... You could do a, a... locating spell? Or a tracking spell, or a... something. Something to tell us where Meera is or which way she went or who took her."
"No, no Nemo, we can't," Rosa said, sadness flushing into her eyes like warm liquid. "I've only heard rumours about that kind of spells existing, and I'm not even sure if their true. I certainly don't know how to..."
She fell silent mid-sentence and turned to look at her grandmother's face. I turned my attention to her too. Ulula looked serious and happy at the same time. Her eyes were glistening, her face turned into a small smile, like she was smiling at something we didn't know and would never fully understand.
"Granny?" Rosa asked carefully.
"I know a spell like that," Ulula said quietly. "I've done a spell like that. It was decades ago, when I was young. I didn't even remember it until he asked about it. I'm sorry, I didn't come to think of it yesterday," she said, turning to look at me. "You wouldn't have need to give whoever took her such a head start."
I only stared in answer. My heart was fluttering in my chest. I regained my voice after a moment.
"No, Ulula, it's okay," I said quickly, and then the corners of my mouth tugged up into a smile as my mind realised what I was about to say next. "You can't always remember everything you've done in your life."
Ulula looked at my face for a moment and then threw her head back in a delighted laugh that sounded so much younger than she looked. I joined her laugh after a moment, and Rosa couldn't help but laugh too a little.
"Indeed," Ulula said after a few more moments after she caught her breath. Then she stood up from the table. "We'll have to go to the house she was staying. It will work better there, and I don't think we have anything of hers here anyway. She took with her the clothes she was wearing when she got here."
She disappeared into the other room. We stared after her for a while.
"Wait, are we going now?" Rosa called after her.
"As soon as I'm done," came Ulula's voice. "Or would you like to wait until tomorrow?"
"No," I said and stood up. Rosa stood up with me, also looking determined.
"Pack him some food and one of our extra blankets and whatever you can think of," Ulula called. "If this goes right I'm guessing he won't be coming back with us. He might be going on the road instead. You still have the backpack we put clothes in for you yesterday when we thought you were going to go and stay with Meera?"
"Yes," I called back. Rosa was already cleaning up the table and throwing seemingly arbitrary things into a bag I assumed was coming with me. I wanted to do something too, but since I didn't know where anything was and didn't have anything to pack, I went to wake up N, who was sleeping on top of the fireplace again.
~x~
We got to Meera's house faster than we did yesterday. Ulula really walked faster than I thought, considering her age. She kept up with our hurried pace easily, carrying a small bag with her. Rosa had a bigger bag that I assumed I was going to take with me when I left to go after Meera. As the tallest (and strongest) of us I held a torch high above our heads, lighting the road. The moons and stars were out again and the snow reflected all the light so it wouldn't have been too dark even without the extra light, I had been fine last night, but it was nice to see the immediate surroundings a little better.
Ulula nodded at the sight at the house when we got close enough to see.
"I can see what you meant when you said you think she was attacked and taken," she said as we hurried down the last small hill to the house.
Inside Ulula got to work immediately. Rosa seemed to know what to do as Ulula began the preparation for the spell and gave her instructions that didn't make any sense to me. I tried to see if I could help, but they all but pushed me out of the way, so I retreated upstairs, feeling somewhat useless again. But at least something was happening. At least soon I could do something useful. Soon I could find her.
Maybe I would find some of the missing pieces of myself too.
I heard them shouting for me after a while. I had been slowly going through some shelves, trying to get an idea of what kind of a person Meera was. They hadn't helped much, being mostly empty. I headed down the stairs.
Ulula was standing in the middle of a wheel, painted onto the floor. It hadn't been there before. The sight of it made me feel... I didn't know exactly what. It was like the hollow in me was either filled with ice or set burning. I couldn't quite tell. Whatever it was must've shown on my face.
"Are you ready, Nemo?" Ulula asked.
I pulled my face together, took a deep breath and nodded.
________________________________________________________
So you know how in movies they always hold the torches towards the thing they are trying to see? Like, in between them and the thing they're trying to see. And every time I think, wow, that is literally the worst way to see anything, because that way the only thing you see is the flame and not at all the thing behind it. If you want to actually see something you have to hold the source of light so that you don't actually see it yourself. Which I'm sure you know, but this is a detail I'm always really annoyed about watching anything.
Ok, less ranting.
I'd really like it if you could get your tomorrow's bit in early, because the only free time I have on Friday is an hour and a half on a train, so it would be great to get it started a little already tomorrow, or at least I'd have time to think about it already on Friday, so I wouldn't have to spend the hour and a half planning and writing. Or then at least you have to prepare yourself for a short bit.
After this, I promise, I'll have so much time to write. I have nothing on Sunday, and Tuesday only one lecture from eight to ten (because how couldn't it be fun to have the literally only thing to do the whole day at that time of the day), and then I'll be there and have nothing but Gigantti. So then I'll have more time for this. Actually even as I write this I should probably be studying for the ecology exam I have on Friday. Which is why this isn't as long as some other bits. But soon I can stop having to deliberately make time for this.
What was I saying...? No idea. Anyway.
Your topic for tomorrow is Bells.
~matu
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