..." and they can grow huge. Almost three times your height in length. It's about half the width of this room."
I'm usually enjoying these lessons. The world is a pretty fascinating place, after all. And huge. I'd want to see it all, but since I can't, I'll have to do with just hearing about all the things and animals out there, all around the world. But lately I've found trouble concentrating. I'm still every now and then overwhelmed by the feeling of using magic, two days later. Yesterday Tauria caught me staring into nothingness, smiling like an idiot.
And when my head isn't filled with the wondrous feeling of having magic, it's filled with the fear of having magic. The fear of being caught. The panic I assume you only feel when you know one single, tiniest unconscious slip can get you killed. If anyone found out, I'd be dead.
"...standing there in the middle of the clearing with mid-summer green leaves, now the newly hatched, lighter green leaves the other trees have."
My ear catches just the end of the sentence the girl behind me is whispering to her friend, but that's enough.
"Really?"
"Yes, yeah, they're saying it's the faeries. They made the tree grow in the middle there alone, and then made the leaves grow faster onto it than any of the other ones. All really fast. Nina said the tree wasn't there at all the last time they were there a week ago."
I freeze. My breathing gets shallow and fast. I resist the temptation of turning around and asking the girls if they're really talking what I think they're talking.
"No way. Can faeries do that?"
"Well obviously. Why couldn't they?"
"There aren't even any of them around here."
"Well, I guess everyone was wrong about that."
"Or you've been lied to."
"A-ah, no way. Nina also told the trees were waving to them."
"Ok, you were definitely lied to. They're making it up. Can't you see."
I notice I've stopped breathing. I let out a long, slow breath through my nose.
"...up in the mountains? Mister Ferrel."
I snap out of my thoughts, out of the conversation the girls are having behind me, and remember again where I am. I stare at the teacher for a moment.
"Uh," I say. I've never felt as stupid as this in class, "Uh, I'm sorry. Could you say that again?"
"I asked why they only live up in the mountains."
"The kokohlan lizards? Because," I pause for a moment to think. My brain feels sluggish. I feel like hitting myself in the head to make it work better. "They're huge. Which means their bodies produce a lot of heat, just by maintaining the basic functions. And they're reptiles. Their body temperature follows the temperature of their surroundings. It's cooler in the mountains. They live there so they don't overheat." I pause again, waiting for a reaction from the teacher. "That can happen to reptiles too, right?"
The teacher looks at me thoughtfully for a moment longer, and then nods.
"That's right," she nods. The big bell in the clock tower sounds and everyone around me starts packing. "Don't forget your assignment for next time!" she shouts after us before everyone gets the chance to leave.
"What assignment?" I ask Tauria as we get out of the class.
"Ok, what happened to you in there? You're usually scarily attentive in those classes," she asks, ignoring my question.
"I just slept really bad last night," I answer, "What assignment? I'd like to be better prepared for the next class."
"She wants us to go to the library and so some reading about the kokohlans, and find something interesting about them. The one with the most interesting fact about them the next time wins."
"Wins what?"
Tauria shrugs. Laelia appears to her side from out of the crowd.
"I guys," she says, "Wanna come have lunch with me?"
"Yeah, sure," Tauria says and turns to look at me, "You coming?"
"I think I need to go out for a bit, for some fresh air," I say, "I'll catch you guys in the dining hall a little later?"
Tauria nods and the girls disappear into the mass of students milling around us. I head the other way down the corridor, to a courtyard I found in the end of last term that no one seems to know even exist. I guess in a building complex this size there are so many places people can't know about all of them.
Once I get to the yard I just sit against the wall for a while, thinking. I did something in those woods. I made the tree. I don't know how, all I thought I did was grow some leaves in a branch. And even that was kind of an accident. Sure, I was trying to do that, but I still don't know how I actually did do it.
No one knows I did it, I tell myself. They think it was faeries. There is no reason why anyone would suspect me. But as I sit against the cool rock with the warm sunshine on my face, I can't sink the heavy feeling in my gut.
Finally I get up and head for the dining hall to find Tauria and Laelia. I get my food, and spot them quite easily, sit down with them. They're talking brightly, making jokes. Tauria's laughing at something Laelia just said. I don't know what it was. I don't taste the food.
When the bell sounds again we get up, Laelia waves bye to us, and me and Tauria head for the history class. In class I sit down, dig out the book from within the desk in front if me. Professor Cole comes into the class and begins to talk about something I'm not hearing. The class goes by as fast as an old snail. At some point I start leafing through the book, just trying to focus on something, anything.
I find an envelope in between the book, near the back. I turn it around.
Knute
I blink and look at the envelope again, this time more alert.
Knute
It says my name on the envelope.
I don't know anything any more, about anything.
What am I supposed to do? Take the envelope? Is it meant for me? There aren't any other Knutes in the whole school, at least that I know of.
It's probably a practical joke. I should still take it, just so no one else sees it and finds it. Besides, if I keep staring at it for much longer, professor Cole will notice. So I stuff the envelope into my bag.
The rest of the class goes by even slower than the beginning had. But finally it's over. I have no other classes today, so I head back to my room, where I hope I can find some privacy. When I get there I drop into my bed. I'm exhausted. From the worry, from the thrill. From the insane lessons today. From everything. From all of it. I don't know how I'm going to make it for the whole term, if I'm already a wreck.
I lay there, staring at the ceiling for a moment. Then I get up and dig out the envelope from my bag. There's a letter inside.
I forget to breath again.
I'm dead.
____________________________________________________________________
Ok, so that happened. I just started writing and then stuff kept coming out. But I guess that's good.
I hope there aren't too many typos. I'm super-tired, because I haven't slept too well for the last two nights. I actually thought this was going to end up a short thing because I felt too tired to write when I first started, but then it just kept going. And that's the kind for writing that I really love.
Anyway.
I made it through another university admission exam yesterday. I think it well really well. Probably. Meaning I'm guessing I might actually finally get to study what I really want to study.
Hopefully.
But I do want to go to sleep now.
Your topic for... Monday? Monday.
Is Hair.
~matu
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