Lin was right that the reasons for that tradition are vague, but the traditions themselves are strong. We live a bit away from the village and the shrine, so Mom brings gifts irregularly but with dignity. I have been with her many times, and you are expected to be silent and bow when you leave your offerings on the altar. Then you take three steps backward, say thank you, bow again and leave the shrine without looking back. It was obvious even for a small child that it was something holy. But nobody has ever explained what was the purpose in it.
Suddenly Lin stops and awakens me from my thoughts.
"Now then, let us begin," he says and looks at me. "The forest is a good place to manifest, because it is in both realms. And the Forest may be able to help you as well, to pull you along when moving away from the In Between."
"And what is this manifesting actually? How can I do it?"
"It... it's hard to describe. Here, think about a very foggy night. You are in the forest."
"Okay. Then?"
"The fog is thick. So thick that you cannot even see your feet. Now, manifesting is that you think of yourself as out of the haze, as a very clear and precise picture. Or rather, you have to think the haze away so that you are seen clearly. But rather than just thinking, you have to become clear."
I think on that for a moment. "Right, become clear. And that's that," I say. Lin looks at me eagerly, like waiting or me to become a new form under his very eyes.
"No, that didn't help at all," I protest. "When I said right, I meant it sarcastically, silly."
His smile vanishes and he frowns.
"I mean, I know you are helping. But I just feel like a non-existing ghost who has just eaten the gifts for the otherworld," I hasten to explain.
"Er... I don't know what otherworld is, but I think I understand that feeling. Now you should try the exact opposite of that."
"Haha, the opposite," the impossibility of his guidance makes me laugh.
But then I realise that we are dealing with a strange situation here and there are no words for describing what I have to do. So I try to think what would be the least like a non-existent ghost and how it would feel. I cannot say there is any progress, but I start to realise that this is a lot about self-image rather than some magical muscles that would force me through a curtain.
I sit down on my knees and raise my palms to the sides to help meditation. I close my eyes and breathe slowly, think my breaths as wind that blows the haze away.
"Good, you have the right spirit there," Lin says. "Remember, you will not enter a realm with just thought exercises. But you need to be in the right mental state for the magic to work properly. Just go on. Concentrate on the feeling of being alive."
We continue this for several hours. I am a bit worried as I seem to make very little progress and it gets later and later, but Lin assures me it's fine. He's being very supportive, which makes the whole thing better, and whenever I can no longer concentrate on concentrating we take a break. We move around a bit to find me more food and as we walk in the forest he points out all the plants and animals that you can find there that we don't have and tells me about them. It's really interesting.
I am not sure of anything else, but all this meditating is at least helping me be more aware of myself. I can feel my head and hands and heart and toes in a different way. Like in an essence way, rather than just existing. I try to explain this to Lin, and he seems to think it as progress.
I also try to feel the essence of the forest around me, but that does not work out so well. It's actually much worse than usual, because now the forest is not there even if I can see it all around me. Or, the forest is there but I am in this strange single-person universe.
Finally, Lin says that the potion should be ready and he'd go fetch it while I should continue practicing. So I start focusing on my hands and toes again.
~ x ~
Lin comes back sooner than I thought. He can apparently fly faster than what I've seen so far, which makes sense I suppose. With him he has a wooden spoon and a small brown bottle with a glass cap. Or well, it's small for me, in his arms it seems huge. He submerges himself into the In Between -- hey, I can actually see the difference now! -- and gives me the bottle.
"This is very a strong potion," he explains as i turn it in my hands. "You should take one spoonful of it after I have explained this. The potion helps to control arcane energy, and it should alleviate the strict separation of the two realms. That's why its reckless use might cause a while lot of trouble."
"Alright," I say. "I'll try to be very careful. Although... I'm not entirely sure what I should do."
"Concentrate, visualize, and blow the haze away."
I take the spoon Lin offers me and pour some thick, brown liquid into it. Lin puts the cap back on the bottle and takes it from me. The potion smells strongly of herbs and musk and I brace myself before swallowing it quickly. Surprisingly, it tastes sweet and soft, with a bitter aftertaste.
The potion starts to heat my lips and tongue and throat, and it spreads to all of my body. I feel good and relaxed and distracted. Wait, I was supposed to concentrate and feel clear. That becomes harder all the time.
I see something bright yellow from the corner of my eye, and I turn my head but the yellow turns with me. It can't be real, but it's spreading and soon everything I see is yellow. Then blue and green stripes appear, and they start waving and dancing in my eyes.
Focus! See yourself clearly!
But I feel joyful and light, and my feet rise from the ground.
____________________________
Oh, what a psychedelic experience!
The next topic is Journey.
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