The air was... wrong.
Ruune pushed her needle through the fabric and back up, tied a knot, and did it again, and all the while tried to ignore the absolutely suffocating tension in the room. Tikka paced around somewhere behind her, first sitting in a chair in the corner, then coming over to hover by her shoulder without saying anything, then stalking over to a bookshelf by the other wall to rifle through whatever was there, repeating this ad infinitum. The only reason Ruune could work with her constant shuffling was because she didn't actually need to think about what she was doing, and could let her hands work on muscle memory alone.
Everything about yesterday was off.
She couldn't stop thinking about how out of it Tikka had been during the evening. She'd barely spoken as she'd stared at Ruune eating her dinner, and after getting back to their room, she'd polished her sword in silence, before going to bed with maybe three words exchanged between them. As much as Ruune had wished she'd talk less during their days on the road together, that... that hadn't been what she meant. That had been unnatural.
It had really began even before that, hadn't it? The moment they'd arrived at the gates of Paraaja, Tikka had been terse and dismissive, clearly on edge. For a moment Ruune had gotten through to her, about to uncover one of the many mysteries surrounding the woman, but they'd been interrupted by the Matriarch. And then in the carriage she hadn't been shy about her distrust of the entire City.
Wait...
"Tikka," she called, receiving a noncommital hum in response. "Could you rub my shoulders?"
There was a pause.
"What?" Tikka said, and she spared her a glance.
"All this sewing has my shoulders tense." She made a big show of rolling her shoulders and then directed her best pleading eyes at Tikka. "Could you rub them just a little? Pretty please?"
Tikka raised an eyebrow at the display. "I won't promise I'm any good at it," she warned, but walked over nonetheless. "But as you wish."
The moment her fingertips made contact with Ruune's back, there was another spark. It was the same as yesterday, though not as strong, more like a constant undercurrent where in the carriage it had been a jolt of power. Had it always been there, Ruune wondered, everytime they touched? But it had taken until yesterday to notice, because it normally was so subtle, easily dismissed as one of the many energies that coursed through all living things. But not anymore; she had felt it and that meant she could differentiate it.
She closed her eyes, drew in a deep breath, and focused. Tikka's fingers moved clumsily but gingerly along her shoulders as she tried to rub at the muscles, and the longer the contact the easier it became to sense the flow of magic between them. She drew in another breath, focused more on the shape of it, the pressure, the outline. She relaxed her mind, reached out, and touched it.
The hands on her tensed.
»Are you okay?»
Just as quickly the surprise was gone, replaced by amusement.
»You're a fast learner, aren't you?» Tikka's voice was clear in her mind, like she had spoken aloud. Her hands had resumed their sub-par massage.
»I've always had a good grasp of auras and such.» Ruune waited for a moment, before prompting again. »You're dodging the question. Are you okay?»
»Sure.»
Well, if that wasn't the least convincing reply ever. Tikka clearly knew it too, but pretended like she didn't care.
»I know you're lying,» Ruune pointed out anyway, and Tikka dug her thumb into the crook of her neck a little harder. She didn't give her the satisfaction of a reaction.
»And you also know it doesn't really matter if I'm okay or not.»
That did garner a reaction, namely an annoyed huff. »It matters to me.»
»Why?»
Why??
»I'm worried!»
»Yeah, but why?»
What kind of inane question...?
»Why wouldn't I be worried about you, you're--»
She stopped. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, she hadn't even realised when that had happened, but now she couldn't catch a hold of a single one. She's... what?
»Yeah. I'm what?»
»You're... my friend?»
An actual snort snapped her out of it, and she turned her head to look behind her.
"That's cute," Tikka said, on her face an utterly unreadable expression as her fingers slipped down Ruune's back. Without another word she walked back to the corner and sat down, and that was that.
***
The bird didn't arrive back the next day. In fact, if took two whole days for it arrive. Ruune was already almost finished with her restoration when an acolyte showed up and told them the Matriarch had requested their presence. She exchanged a worried glance with Tikka, but set her work down, trying to ignore the growing foreboding in her stomach. Together they followed the acolyte to the main office, where they found the Matriarch behind her desk, frowning at her papers.
"We got word from Kaskia," she said in lieu of a greeting, gesturing curtly at the two empty chairs in front the desk. They took their seats, Tikka with a roll of her eyes, clearly already done with the entire conversation, while Ruune swallowed down the lump in her throat. She was not looking forward to whatever the Matriarch was about to say, because that was the same tone her mother often used. The "you're in big trouble, young lady" voice.
But unlike while growing up, this time she had a fairly good idea of why they might be in trouble.
"There seems to be some kind of... confusion with the information," the Matriarch said, confirming her suspicions immediately. Brilliant.
Tikka finally straightened in her seat. "Confusion?" she asked. Ruune glanced at her to find her frowning. Playing the part rather well, wasn't she?
"They did not find any record of a Tikariina Metso there," the Matriarch continued, because of course they didn't. Tikka's frown deepened, while Ruune let out a sigh. "But they did find another Tikariina whose info matched yours perfectly."
That'll happen when you give out a false name, Ruune thought, pressing her lips together. How in the heavens were they supposed to explain their way out of this?
"What do you mean, another Tikariina?"
Ruune blinked. And looked at Tikka. She... She seemed genuinely confused.
A brand new kind of dread creeped up Ruune's spine.
"Yes," the Matriarch started, shifting through the papers in her hands. "Tikariina Huovi, apparently. Does that--"
Slam, Tikariina's palms hit against the wooden surface of the Matriarch's desk, the inkwell nearly toppling over with the force of the impact. Ruune herself nearly toppled over too, with the heartattack she almost had.
"WHAT?!" Tikka screeched, her face as white as a fresh sheet of snow.
The Matriarch was silent for a moment, her wide eyes the only indication of her own shock. "It does, then," she said finally, "mean something to you."
"Show me," Tikka demanded, snatching the papers to herself.
"Hold on," Ruune finally managed to get out. "What is all this about?"
"It seems your friend may have lied about her name--"
Another slam, but this time it was Tikka's fist that hit the desk as she honest to heavens snarled. "I did not lie! This," she shook the crumpled papers in her hand before tossing them back down, "is not my name! This is-- argh!"
"So this is someone else?" Ruune asked, picking up one of the pages that fluttered to the floor. It listed the date and time of birth, weight, height, the names of the mother and the... huh?
"No, that is me!" Tikka scoffed, snatching the page now from Ruune's hands. She slammed it down as she leaned over the desk to stare squarely at the Matriarch, who met her challenge without a waver in her expression. "But this... is not... my name."
Ruune dared not even breathe.
"Then," said the Matriarch, leaning her elbows on the desk, "whose name is it?"
Tikka bit her teeth together, her jaw clenching painfully tight, and suddenly Ruune was acutely aware of a burning pain in her throat. Tikka looked like she was choking, and she felt much the same, her airways constricting as something impossible tried to push its way out. But it wasn't for her to let out, she didn't even know what it was, and it wasn't her throat it was stuck in. It was Tikka's, who try as she might, couldn't get her mouth to open.
She spun around and kicked her chair.
"Tikka!" Ruune exclaimed, but Tikka yelled over her, a heartwrenching wail.
"Fuck!" She kicked the chair again, sent it clattering across the room. Ruune sprung up and grabbed a hold of her arms to stop her outburst, but had the air knocked out of her instead as her vision went dark.
A lake.
A red cabin.
A simple room. A vase with a rose in it.
A lake.
A butterfly. A serpent.
A silhouette of a woman, a hummed lullaby.
A lake.
A blood red sky. A forest on fire.
A lake.
"Fuck that old man!"
Ruune drew in a staggering breath, blinking rapidly as her brain forcibly reoriented her to the present. The Matriarch's dull office, the dusty smell of old books, the heat of Tikka's body under her fingers where she was clutching her arms.
What in high heavens had that been?
"He thinks he can do this to me?!" Tikka continued to shout, clearly ready to take it out on that poor chair one more time. "Continue to ruin my life even after abandoning me?!"
"Tikka, please!" Ruune tried, but it was clear she didn't hear anything. Her eyes were flaming, her whole being engulfed by fury. "I'm so sorry, Matriarch, she's--"
The Matriarch waved a dismissive hand. "That's quite alright, child. I think I see what's going on."
Ruune blinked. "Huh?" How could that--?
That was the moment the door flew open and several acolytes hurried in, summoned by the ruckus. The Matriarch managed to calm them down just as their arrival managed to calm Tikka down, but it was strongly suggested they should retire for the night. Ruune immediately jumped on that, bidding them good night and basically dragging Tikka out of the room. She followed without much, or rather any, fight in her.
"One more thing," came the Matriarch's voice only seconds before Ruune managed to close the door behind them. She turned to give her a smile, but the Matriarch was looking at Tikka. "I'll have your papers drafted and ready for you tomorrow," she said. There was a meaningful pause. "Miss Metso."
Tikka stared at her blankly, until Ruune poked her with an elbow. "Thank you, your Grace," she muttered and then left.
"Th-thank you," Ruune echoed, giving a quick sign of gratitude, and hurried after her.
***
Tikka curled up in her bed as soon as they were back in their room, and didn't say another word for the rest of the evening. Not when Ruune left to get the things she'd forgotten at the rya, not when she came back with their supper, not while they ate. Not while they washed up and got ready for bed.
Not until Ruune returned from the washroom to find Tikka had pushed their beds together while she was gone and was clearly waiting for her, the covers pulled up to her ears.
Ruune couldn't help the wave of fondness at the sight, but hid her smile by turning away to extinguish the lights.
"I'm sorry," Tikka muttered, shifting slightly closer as Ruune settled into her own bed. "I behaved... poorly earlier, and brought shame to your name."
Ruune shook her head. "You have not shamed me," she said, which seemed to settle Tikka slightly. "I'm sure it was a terrible shock to you."
Tikka hummed and shifted closer again. They were silent for a moment.
"I suppose you can't tell me either about who that... Huovi person is?"
She immediately tensed again.
"It's fine," Ruune quickly assured. "It was something... magical that stopped you from saying anything, wasn't it?" She let out a chuckle at Tikka's wide eyes. "I sensed it, you know. It was like something was strangling you when you tried to speak."
Tikka chuckled too. "You really do have a good grasp of these things, huh?" she said. And then she shifted one last time and pressed her forehead against Ruune's chest. "Sorry, I can't say anything about him, even if you command me."
"It's fine," Ruune repeated, and after only a moment of hesitation, placed a soft hand on Tikka's shoulder. "Can you tell me about your name, then? Because I thought Metso was just a cover name you used for... whatever reason, but after what happened, I really don't think so anymore."
"It is my name," Tikka confirmed, her voice slightly muffled against Ruune's shirt. "My legal name. But Airo is my real name, my..."
She drew in a shaky breath as she fell silent.
"Your mother's name," Ruune finished for her, pressing her nose into her hair. Tikka tensed slightly, but nodded. "Sorry, I saw it in the document earlier." A gentle heartbeat passed between them. "That means Metso is your father's name?" Another nod. "But... there was no father marked in the document."
"I know!" Tikka shouted, shooting up in the bed so quickly Ruune startled again. "I don't know how he's done it, but he must've gotten someone to edit the records! Because I have a father, I know who it is, my mother knew who it is! He was present for my birth for Heavens' sake!"
She groaned in frustration and dropped back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was Ruune who shifted closer this time.
"I... don't know where he is now," Tikka admitted after a while. "I don't honestly even know if he's alive. But I have a father, even if he," she spat the word out, like something rotten, something venomous, "is trying to fade him out."
In the dimness of the room, Ruune couldn't really say for certain if what she saw were tears prickling in the corners of Tikka's eyes, but regardless, she said nothing. Instead, she reached over and took a hold of her hand, clasping it tightly in her own.
Tikka let the tension drop from her shoulders as a sigh dropped from her lips. She turned her head and gave Ruune a sad, but grateful smile.
"I don't know what that old man is trying," she said quietly. "But fuck him. He's not my dad and he never will be."
Then she pressed her arm over her face.
"Sorry, you probably don't care about any of this," she said, the twinge of selfdeprecation back in her voice. "It's just stupid family drama..."
"Nonsense," Ruune interrupted, squeezing her hand tighter. "Honestly, I'm just happy to know that my family isn't the only one pulling this kind of petty bullshit. One of my aunts actually got disowned because she fell in love with someone the family didn't approve. They essentially forced her to get married and take his name because otherwise she would've been left nameless."
Tikka blinked at her. "Wow," she said. "That's... rough."
They both burst out laughing. Ruune clutched Tikka's hand tight through their fit, and when the mirth finally died down, it left the air sombre but clean.
"We all have our baggage," Ruune said, stroking the back of the hand absently. "I won't push you to share yours if you're not ready. I can wait. I have nothing but time."
Tikka's breath hitched.
"In fact," Ruune continued, her hand reaching up, "apparently," her finger pressed against Tikka's throat, against the string that was there but not, the string that tied them together, "I have the rest of my life to wait for you."
The pulse was wild under her finger, hot and fast, as she ran it along the string, until it slipped off Tikka's skin.
Ruune blinked and then looked up.
Tikka's eyes were blown wide, and her entire face was red, and her mouth hung ajar as she failed to produce sounds.
And just like that, Ruune also became painfully aware of what she had just done, her own face catching fire as well. She cleared her throat and quickly shuffled back.
"I mean," she said, averting her gaze. "You can't change the past, but you can learn from it. Instead of letting it define you, use it to define yourself." She coughed again. "Or... something."
Tikka chuckled, a little breathlessly. "For a moment there, that was pretty smart," she said. Before Ruune could get upset at her though, she turned to face the other direction, and continued, quieter, "I'll think about it."
_______________________________________________
Next topic is "Confidence".
Pede out.
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